Schnitzel Burger is Everything That is Fun About Food


I finally got to try the Schnitzel Burger from the Schnitzel & Things Truck today.  It required me getting there at 11:40am (the line was already 11 people long, 30+ by the time a left at 12:05), but was completely worth it.  And after taking one bite… the music started loud and clear in my head:

At last… my love has come along
My lonely days are over, And life is like a song
Oh, yeah, at last, The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clovers
The night I looked at you
I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to rest my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine…. At last.

But what did I really think?

Almost everything I have read about the Schnitzel Burger has been positive… (save for this guy).  And it really just comes down to one thing.  How much fun do you want to have when you eat?  There are certainly things to you could complain about, especially if you are a burger curmudgeon aficionado.


For one thing, the burger is dipped in batter and deep fried- which is clearly not an ideal way to cook a burger evenly. I ordered mine medium rare, and while the first half of my burger was pretty medium, there were parts of the second half that seemed downright rare.  I guess that would be fine if “medium-rare” literally meant half of the burger is cooked medium, and half was cooked rare.

Secondly, the reports of this burger being incredibly juicy are 100% true…  if juicy was a synonym for greasy.  Shocker right?  Who would have ever guessed that a burger that is breaded and deep fried would be greasy?  In fairness though, the burger is juicy too.  Even though it looks overcooked, it was not dry at all, with the burger juices getting locked into the thing (even though they are definitely sharing equal space with the oil the thing is fried in.)

That is what I would say if  I wasn’t me.  If I were a burger purist, or a food snob, or a guy who feels the need to critique even the foods that are clearly meant to be more about fun than haute cuisine.  But I’m not that guy.  I’m a fat guy who just likes to eat, and I loved every single bite of this monstrosity.  Sure, there are those who like to criticize the trend of gross out foods, but the Schnitzel Burger distinguishes itself from those frankenfoods in one incredibly important way: it’s freakin’ delicious.  It’s a great tasting hamburger.  It tasted really really good.  And not in a “general tso’s chicken/steak and cheese” way.  In a “this is a good burger” way.   The bread to meat ratio is perfect, their sauces are all delicious (I went with the ginger, scallion and garlic) and even though ciabatta is not an ideal burger roll, in this case it’s essential to keeping this greasy/juicy mess together.

Just one warning… you don’t want to let this thing sit.  There is no question that if you eat more than one of these things a month you will die.  And not at the ripe old age of 75.  I mean if you eat 12 or more of these burgers in a one year period you… will… die.  Your heart will stop working, before it even has time to warn you that what you are doing is wrong.  And letting the burger sit in the bag while you walk back to the office will just quicken that process.  You need to eat it immediately.  Will juice run down your face?  Yes.  Will a greasy film cover your hands for the rest of the day?  Yes.  Will people walk by on the street and point at you in disgust?  No.  More than likely they will attempt to avert their eyes instead. But better to have grease on your hands, and face (and shirt sleeves in my case) than in your arteries.  Because that is where it will all end up if you let this thing “rest” for any significant period of time.  It’s like the opposite of a fine wine.  Time doesn’t make it better… just more deadly.

Is it worth trying once?  If you’re not allergic to grease, than absolutely yes.  It most certainly is.  It’s even worth waiting in line for, and it’s worth the $7 price tag. Is it worth dying for?  Well, that depends on you.

Schnitzel and Things Truck parks in Midtown on Mondays and Tuesday, but check their Twitter or the ML Twitter Tracker to be sure.

Your First Look at the Schnitzel Burger (Which Sold Out By 12:30pm)
Schnitzel & Things Truck is Veal-Tastic!


  • Maybe the best and funniest from Zach so far.

  • I, too, had my first Schnitz Burger today, and I agree whole-heartedly with your assessment thereof. Although I wish I got yours. I asked for mine rare, and got something that was more along the lines of 1/2 medium and 1/2 medium-well. But, as you note, it’s probably not the best way to cook a burger evenly. But OMGYUM!

  • damn… Might have to recruit some downtown lunchers on a field trip to a quality truck. My chicken and rice today brought me to tears (in a bad way). What does Downtown have to do to get a GOOD Street meat truck that is easily accessible when you are pressed for time???

  • Fantastic post!

    One of the funniest and most creative I have ever read on the generally ‘idiotic’ foodie blogs.

    But, a word of WARNING!!!!

    One more chorus of that ballad (music, as you so graciously describe it) — and ‘they’ WILL come and get you.

    And ‘they’ WILL lock you up in a room with DocChuck in his ‘rusted-out single-wide’ in deep rural Arkansas.

    Is that what you want, Zach Brooks?


    Then lay off the singing.

  • Oh Zach, I love this post. And now crave such a greasy delicious lunch. Damn you.

  • Hilarious write up. And true as well. I loved that fucking burger.

  • do they have a calorie count for it?

  • Zach, you sold me. Next time they are around 44th and 6th I will be getting my burger on.

  • @Steve: It’s over 9000!!!!!!11!!

  • Think i can overnight this to my fat friend in Wisconsin ?

  • Best. Post. EVER!

    @Monique, the Schnitzel Truck is here on Thursdays, Broad at Water Street…

  • Awesome post about an awesome burger.

    I echo your comments about eating more than one a month.. and add that it may be a self-limiting process. I can still taste the one I had three weeks ago. There’s a significant refractory period, as it were, for this burger. I’m hoping after a few more weeks and a salad or two, I’ll be up to it again.

  • I love when food blogs tell me


    it just makes me want to eat it more. Must be something wrong with my wiring *checks* Nope, just your typical fatty American here :) lol. This post is awesome.

  • Sigh, I haven’t gotten a chance to go out and get one yet!! I’m glad that now it’s a permanent item…

  • the 45mins I waited on line yesterday was so worth it!

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    Aahh!! If only it wasn’t _just_ wasn’t beef I would’ve had one already!

  • i can imagine it encased in solid white grease after being in room temp for a good 30 minutes. pitterpatter.

    @cheesseee, i might be off the mark on this but… KAIOKEN TIMES 20)!@!~!

  • My god, has *anyone* (besides me) had this burger with something else besides the “recommended” ginger, scallion and garlic relish? I swear, the lemming factor of the food-followers around here is absurd. FWIW, the pesto mayo was great on the schnitz-burger. Consider this sauce also ‘recommended.’ (I bet the sriracha mayo would also be a great choice.)

  • Is the pesto mayo the spicy one, cuz thats what I had. I thought it was gonna be in a little container like when you get the platter. Was a nice surprise when I found it on the burger.

  • Maybe i am just retarded but i can never find where is this cart?…did i miss the adddress somewhere in teh post?
    can i get one after work?

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