Midtown Lunch

So, yesterday was the big day.  I returned to Chipotle, after a yearlong, self imposed absence- and had a burrito.  It was not terrible, but it was not worth waiting in a 20 minute line for- and in the end it just reinforced my Ultimate Burrito Theory, which I will now share with you.

Burritos are the perfect food.  That’s it, perfectly constructed, with a brilliant balance of ingredients.  You start with a soft, and very large tortilla to hold it all together, steam it with cheese, and add your starch (rice and beans).  Top it with your choice of meat, which adds a salty and fatty flavor, and add pico de gallo for your tomato, onion, lime and cilantro, all covered in sour cream or guacamole for creaminess.  If you like it spicy or smoky you have plenty of salsa choices, whether it be green tomatillo, or fiery hot red salsa.  It all comes together to form a nugget of goodness, that you can pick up with two hands and eat (none of this fork and knife crap you get at most Mexican places in NYC).

That’s it.  Simple, easy and anybody can do it?  Right?  Well, apparently not.  Chipotle does everything you see above, and yet for some reason their burrito doesn’t quite make the grade.  Well, here’s why.  They flavor every ingredient unnecessarily, so you end up with a big overspiced mess.  You don’t need to add cilantro and lime to your rice, it’s already in the salsa.  They add their special “adobo” to many of the meats, and then add alot of the same spices to the black beans.  Totally unnecessary.  And then of course they add too much salt to everything.

Don’t believe me?  Check out the “Ingredients Page” on their website.  Mouse over each item they offer and look at the pride they take in how many ingredients go into each of their fillings.  I’m sure each thing tastes delicious on its own.  Cilantro and lime rice, that’s been lightly salted?  Mmmmm!  Black Beans seasoned with “cumin, garlic and other spices”?  Bring it on!  Mixed together with meat that’s been marinated and slow braised in cumin and garlic, and topped with salsa that has cilantro & lime- it’s a little too much.  It’s like adding tomato flavored cheese to pizza. It’s just stupid.  The food is already a perfect combo of ingredients.  Why mess with it? 

I’m not saying don’t spice things, I’m saying the burrito is about balance.  Don’t spice each element to taste good on its own.  The best burrito places spice each element with the knowledge that it will be added to other elements that have their own spices and flavor.

One commenter said something about “authenticity”, but I want to make it clear it has nothing to do with that.  A burrito is a burrito.  Rice, beans, cheese, tortilla, salsa.  I would hardly claim that Baja Fresh is the picture of authentic Mexican food, and yet I love that place.  Why?  Because it’s clean flavors.  They don’t fuck with the formula.  Their Baja Burrito is perfect.  Tortilla, charbroilled chicken topped with pico de gallo, cheese and guacamole.  A great combo.  They don’t add smoky ingredients to the chicken, because if you want it smoky, you’ll add the smoky salsa. 

What I ended up getting at Chipotle (from your recommendations), after the jump… Read more »

I have a love hate relationship with the burritos at Chipotle.  It works like this.  I love burritos.  I hate Chipotle.  It’s been a full year since I stepped foot in a Chipotle, and it was a year ago this week that I vowed not to return for complete year.  I’m addicted to burritos, and I knew that unless I forced myself into some kind of challenge, I would end up giving in to my burrito craving, and going back to Chipotle- knowing full well that it just sucks.  Or I should say, it always disappoints.

Here’s part of the problem.  I spent the two years before moving to New York, living in Los Angeles.  No shortage of good burritos in that city.  Every little tiny hole in the wall on every corner made an amazing burrito.  And so cheap too.  None of this $1.75 to add guacamole to your burrito buuuuullshit.  It’s a crime against humanity. 

Before that I lived in Boston, where you could depend on places like Boca Grande or Anna’s Taqueria…almost as good as the greatest burrito I’ve ever had (which was at Garcia’s, a little bit south of San Francisco, btw).  What have I done to deserve being stuck in the most Burrito challenged city in the country???  We have figured out how to serve Jerk Chicken from a sidewalk, Pizza from a truck and Korean food from everywhere… and yet making a good, cheap burrito seems to elude this city.

It’s not that Chipotle is a chain either.  I often revelled in the joy of a Baja Chicken Burrito from Baja Fresh, easily my goto lunch while working in L.A.  That burrito, which was the same price as the cheapest burrito at Chipotle (i.e. the one with no meat), came with guac already in it.  And they had a free salsa bar.  But you know what?  This isn’t about Baja Fresh.  This is about Chipotle.  I have my theory on burritos, and why Chipotle’s aren’t that good- but I’m going to give it one more chance.  Obviously there are alot of you who love Chipotle.  The lines, especially at the one at the bottom of my building (49th btw. 6+7th), border on ridiculous.  So here’s your chance to convince me.

I’m going to eat at Chipotle for the first time in a year, and I want to know what to get.  I love carnitas, but the first two times I ate there, I got carnitas and I didn’t like my burrito.  I thought, “Maybe carnitas isn’t their thing” and switched it up to chicken the next time.  Still no good.  What’s your secret?  Is the Fajita burrito the way to go?  Which kind of beans do you get?  Which salsa?  Do you have to suck it up, and pay for the $1.75 guacamole for the burrito to be good?  Cheese?  Sour cream?  What’s the magical combo that causes a person to be willing to wait in line for 30 minutes, just for the privilege of buying an overpriced burrito that couldn’t hold a candle to anything you’d get in California.

Let’s hear it.  Post your recommendation as a comment below.  You have to understand, I desperately want (and need) Chipotle to be good.  It’s like a drug addict wishing that methodone made him feel the same way as heroin.  Please help me.  I need to figure out a way to shoot up Chipotle, and make it feel like I’m eating a burrito that doesn’t taste like crap.  If not, I may end up in some gutter mumbling about “Carnitas Super Burritos”, and $1.75 guacamole.

Everyone's prayers have been answered… but mine.  They started construction on a new Chipotle right in my building (49th between 6th & 7th), and the office is abuzz.  After all, burritos could possibly be the perfect lunch food.  A self contained, all inclusive pocket of goodness, that you can eat with your hands… no side dishes necessary (except for some chips to handle the overflow). 

Everyone seems pretty excited about the prospect of burritos being just an elevator ride away- but I can't fall into that trap.  For me, Chipotle is like a bad Chinese Buffet.  I have to go back once every three months, and feel sick, to remind myself why I only go once every three months.  See, I distinctly remember what my brain told me the last time I ate Chiptole… "Never eat here again".  But that was three months ago, and my burrito starved body is wondering, "Maybe this time it will be different…everyone seems pretty excited… maybe I was wrong about Chipotle." 

And of course three months ago was actually a relapse of it's own.  A few months before that, I had just moved here from Los Angeles, and tried Chiptole for the first time.  My thought… "Never eat here again…"  That lasted about two months.  Why can't they make a decent burrito in this city!

I'm not saying Chiptole is a terrible burrito… but compared to the Burritos in L.A., they definetely fall short (no one would dispute that).  But I'm not even talking about the authentic Burrito shacks… I'm talking about the chains too.  Now if a Baja Fresh or Sharky's opened at the bottom of my building, then you'd see some excitement.  But alas, there is no Baja Fresh, and we'll just have to settle for Chipotle.

The +/- after the jump… Read more »