Cer Te’s Tuscan Cheesesteak Displaces Schnitzel Burger as Greasiest Sandwich in Midtown


A couple weeks ago I kind of flipped out gushed over the new fried burger being sold at the Schnitzel & Things Truck.  I got pretty excited after eating the grease soaked monstrosity- not just because it tasted really good, but also because its unabashed grossness was quite simply unmatched by any Midtown Lunch I have ever had (and I have had quite a few.)  Well, in a surprising turn, the schnitzel burger’s reign atop the grossest-sandwich-in-Midtown heap was short lived.  Because last week I tried Cer Te’s October entry in the Midtown Lunch Sandwich Challenge, the “Tuscan Cheesesteak” ($8.95), and it is without a doubt the most deliciously gross, out of control gut bomb, I have ever had in Midtown, in sandwich form.

Cer Te (on 55th btw. 5+6th) has had a long history of creating sandwich craziness for the ML Sandwich challenge.  But the “Tuscan Cheesesteak” takes the cake.  So much so I devised a list of reasons why you shouldn’t eat this sandwich.  That list, plus a closer look at the madness is after the jump…

The “Tuscan Cheesesteak”, is really just a glorified meatball sub- with peppers, onions, and cheese served on a roll that’s been converted into garlic bread.  It comes wrapped in paper, which would usually be a take out method instituted to protect the sandwich from everything else.  But after unwrapping the thing, I’m thinking the paper might actually be to protect everything else from the sandwich.  A meatball sub in garlic bread is nothing new for the ML Sandwich Challenge.  The Papa Perrone Truck (on 55th btw. Mad+Park) offered a meatball/chicken parm combo on garlic bread back in April, and I’m pretty sure you can still get any of their subs on garlic bread.


But this thing takes it a step farther.  The meatballs are top notch, and perfectly cooked… aka not dry or too dense.  But even if they were, it probably wouldn’t matter- because the oil from the garlic bread and fresh mozzarella, plus the peppers and onions would have covered that problem up anyway. The bread was nice and moist (also from the oil) which is how I like it.

As good as the sandwich was (and I finished every single bite of it) I couldn’t help but think of certain situations when a person might not want to eat this sandwich.  As a public service announcement to you, I figured I’d share those reasons now.

Don’t eat the Tuscan Cheesesteak sandwich…

  1. If you are allergic to oil, garlic, or heartburn medication.
  2. If you are wearing anything expensive that would be “ruined” by a bit of tomato sauce (and by tomato sauce I mean grease, seasoned with the essence of tomato)
  3. If falling asleep at your desk after lunch is a fire-able offense.
  4. If you forget to take extra napkins (because the two they give you will be gone after just unwrapping the thing.)
  5. If you will be required to speak to anybody the rest of the day and don’t have industrial strength breath mints.
  6. If you don’t have access to a bathroom… to wash your hands afterwards!  What did you think I meant?  Oh, right…  that.  Well, yes, I guess that too. Either way, a post lunch bathroom trip will most likely be required.

I guess what I’m saying is Cer Te should provide handi-wipes and bibs along with this sandwich.  You only have until the end of October to enjoy this sandwich- although it is supposed to return as one of the sandwiches being offered at Pizza by Cer Te when they open (on 56th btw. Park+Lex) in November.  All I know is if this is a sign of things to come from Pizza by Cer Te- I am already a big time fan.  (Although they’re probably going to have to budget for more napkins.)

Check Out All 5 of Cer Te’s Crazy August Sandwiches
Certe’s Thanksgiving Dip is the Greatest Sandwich Ever Created


  • This would make a great lunch…just not at work.

  • Cool gut bomb. Greasier than the Schnitz burger? Damn. Next thing you know, Scnitzel will start cramming more cheese and grease into their burgers…Ooooooo *drools*

  • what’s next a cupful of hot grease for lunch?

  • No offense Zach, but i’m sorry that this picture missed the Eater.com “worst food porn” contest.


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    Which pic? The unwrapped pic is great! It looks awesome, though I’ll probably have to pick out some of the onions as I really don’t love them.

    Maybe I’ll get some rubber gloves to eat this one.

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    I dont’t get it… Looks like a meatball sub served on garlic bread with onions and peppers… How Tuscan Cheesesteak is derived from that is beyond me lol…

  • Lou, you beat me to it. This is a MEATBALL sandwich, not a “cheesesteak.” If I went into Cer Te or anywhere else and ordered a cheesesteak sandwich (even a fancy-pants “Tuscan” one), I’d be pissed off if they gave me a meatball parm sub! It may be good, it may be greasy, but don’t call it a cheesesteak! Heck, they might as well call it a “Texas Slider” sandwich.

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    so if you eat two snitzel burgers in one month you will die… did you eat this sandwich within the same 30 day span?

  • Cer Te is tough to beat for their sandwiches, but even as I type this I’m enjoying the schnitz burger. I haven’t had anything from Cer Te that tops it…

  • If I wasnt already high on grease from my panini lunch… I’d be all over this.
    This was great to read!

  • this looks like fun.

  • I went to Cer Te today and I stupidly wasn’t aware of this! Had a pretty darned good eggplant parm sandwich, but still… another trip beckons.

    (But not tomorrow, Schnitz truck is in my neighborhood)

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    I had one of these last week and was impressed. One of the issues I’ve had with Cer te’s special sandwiches in the past is that they can be unwieldy and fall apart, and that can happen with meatball subs very easily, but the bread for this one was really well suited and held up. I was shocked I didn’t get the sandwich all over me. And they weren’t shy with the mozzarella, which I thought was of better quality than most of what you get around here. A definite winner.

  • You’re telling me that the thing in Picture 2 is a sandwich? Holy shits.

  • I tried this yesterday and have had the shits ever since.

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