Reasons Not To Steal Food From the Company Fridge
Wow… where to start on this one.
1. Posted in a law firm kitchen. Don’t those people make enough money?
2. Points for clever use of DNA. Bonus points for not making it clear exactly what he would be using as “seasoning”. Not knowing is always scarier.
3. Was this salad homemade or from a chain? I’m guessing it was homemade- because if you’re adding “DNA seasoning” to your lunchtime leftovers while at work, that is gross. And who steals homemade food out of the fridge anyway? You don’t know where that stuff came from, or how good a cook your co-worker is. If you are going to steal, stick to lunchtime leftovers from actual restaurants.
4. Finally, a tip for people with leftovers. Finish your damn food! Leftovers is never an issue with me…
Posted: 3:30 pm, August 28th, 2008 under Midtown PSA.
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49 Comments
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It would solve the what exactly is white sauce mystery.
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Many years ago, I worked at an office that had a lunch thief, we figured out the theif with a little help from my cat and his own screams of finding a chunk of cat poop in his stolen bowl of chili.
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Without anal sex there’d be no baby lawyers.
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Will this person be eating their “sandwich” with their “DNA” on it if said thief does not appear ?
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Typical lawyers - lots of accusation, supposition and pontification followed by a bluff threat
Fuckwit probably ate their own lunches and forgot or brought stuff that stunk up the fridge so bad it got mistaken for garbage & tossed out
If I saw a sign like that, they’d be enjoying my DNA in their lunch too
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cuff? what a moron. he deserves what he gets.
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As an attorney, I can comfortably say that from a legal standpoint, stealing lunch from the corporate fridge is nearly as an entertaining as boosting my neighbor’s NY Times on a Sunday afternoon… And oh yeah, really pregnant lady on the Q line this morning, I’m the suit that didn’t give you my seat, while feigning to read the Times and anticipating what surprise delicacies my associates will bring from me to snack on.
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Love how everyone assumes its a guy.
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once a coworker stabbed my sandwich. stabbed as in murdered as in with scissors. it made me cry. he thought it was hilarious but I was in college plus working full time, consequently it was peanutbutter and jelly. who murders a pb&j sandwich? a heartless bastard. talk about adding insult to injury, or visa versa. this lunch thief deserves to be drawn and quartered and served with fava beans and a nice chianti, says me.
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At law offices the only ones that make ‘enough money’ are the lawyers, at least in the biggest law offices of NYC is that way…
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Put some of your ‘DNA’ in a cup and gussy it up. Then when you hear screams of horror, bring a video camera.
Then make a website and call it,
1attorney1cup dot com
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My office has a vicious lunch thief. Notes get left (not as creative as this) and it stops for a few weeks, but always starts up again.
And he/she takes homemade lunches. It’s a low and dirty thing to do. When you go through the work of making yourself a nice lunch and you are looking forward to it and then it disappears and you have to go buy some $7.00 crappy sandwich because you are in a rush and had planned on your lunch being located across the hall, well, it does ruin your day.
Lunch thieves should choke. -
When I lived in the dorms we had a food thief. They would steal the most random food. Even just the icing off a slice of cake. So my friend devised a plan where she popped a bag of popcorn and spit in it.
… the popcorn was eaten and bag left empty in the fridge the next day…
Needless to say… some people just have problems.
Oh and we did leave a note for the thief which explained the “soggy” popcorn.
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Stop being gross people. DNA is also present in spit.
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I say poison the food—it doesn’t count as a “deadly trap” because it’s not a trap—just b/c something is in the fridge doesn’t mean it’s meant for human consumption, or considered a trap!!
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Or, you could set up a hidden video camera a la Meet the Parents….and beat the ever living crap out of the thief once he or she is identified. Goats will be happy to help if you need…..
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Sarah jones, are you implying the said person had a wank in his own lunch?
Must work for Wendy’s.
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Mild laxative wouldn’t be beyond reasonable imho..
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Place food with ipecac in fridge. Whoever is vomiting everywhere is the thief.
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Goats- You are wrong. That would likely be second degree, or even first degree murder. First degree, depending on the State, if you premeditated to put the poison in and knew with substantial certainty that the person would ingest it. Second degree if they didn’t so define first degree murder, because you clearly acted with a gross and depraved indifference (recklessness) to the loss of life. In other words, go to jail, do not pass go, and roll the dice to see if you get the death penalty. The death is CLEARLY foreseeable, as the person has been stealing food from the fridge.
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Ignore my Ipecac idea. That would be battery, as you knew with substantial certainty that the harmful or offensive contact would result.
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1. The point of lawyers making enuff is money is not the point..it lack of home training for stealing someone’s else food.
2. DNA is not the only ingredient in the special sauce.
3. Doesn’t matter what kind of food it is or where is came food doesn’t excuse those who steal food from the company fridge are cheap lowly bastards.
4. That is the point of leftovers..it’s LEFT OVER from the day before so one can enjoy the meal from the previous day…so one can their meal at anytime.
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Jason, Jase,, …….Jay, if i may.
Lawyers are like raindrops……….every single on a pain in the arse.
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*one
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what makes everybody think it’s a lawyer. about half the employees at most law firms are not lawyers.
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two words: Ex Lax.
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I just got laid off at Fried Frank. The pay was not good. Two times in recent months lunch thieves stole some cheese I’d put in the refrigerator.
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Would have been smarter to have the sign on the fridge say that there was special DNA sauce in the already stolen sandwich. That’d really give the thief something to chew on…
Rudy - you broke my heart.
DDR, Esq.
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@jason trainmaker
What about this Grand-Theft-Sandwhich?!?! surely, something trivial like battery or 2nd degree murder can be justified….. right? :)
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Strange why that person would do such a thing again and again. I would figure out how to add food coloring or some sort of thing so when he/she eats, they lips would be colorful…hahaha
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I’m with Mike and Dubbinn, lace up a delectable sandwich with a laxative and ask someone near the rest room to keep an eye out for someone who uses it excessively.
As for motives, I suppose who ever is stealing the food must find it exhilarating. The excitement and thrill of stealthily acquiring a food product.
For the especially brave and evasive thief, how about booby trapping some kind of boxed food that’s marked “Don’t Steal Me!”, that will surely entice the culprit. And when they open said booby trapped food, a folded piece of paper with a string tied to it propels some kind of marking powder… you know.. anything from glitter that will stick on their face… to perhaps some Antrhax. Employee taking medical leave? I think we have our sandwich napper.
One of those wireless X10 cameras could do the job too I suppose, but where’s the malicious fun in that.
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I forgive you, DDR.
A misguided career path cannot take away from the fact you annoy Gaysuperman more than me.
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sometimes people put food in the fridge and then completely forget about it. in that case, you shouldn’t be upset when people throw away your moldy food.
also, lawyers at lawfirms probably don’t bring food from home to put in the fridge at work, because they don’t have time to prepare lunch, and they make 6 figures so they can spare $10 for lunch every day. The poor soul at the subject of this post is probably a secretary or paralegal.
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Lunch thievery is just not cool. My best friend’s lunch used to disappear on a regular basis along with a bunch of other people’s lunches. They discovered that the big boss was a compulsive eater and would just eat everything in sight.
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I still say a mild poison to strong poison, depending on how much revenge you seek! I guess a laxative would work…There’s no way the state could prove intent beyond a reasonable doubt! I think the poison perp could beat the rap if he gets a good lawyer–and I don’t even think the cops pursue the case to lead them to the poison planter in the first place!
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If rain drops cause you a pain in the arse maybe you should wear pants and not stick your butt into the air.
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Doesn’t really matter how much money someone is making. They may not want to spend on food to eat out. Even Most millionaires are frugal.
And with the high salary also comes the high prices of putting children through universities, retirement, etc. etc. They may also prefer to have homemade (made by them, or a spouse, or maybe even a maid if they make a lot of money) food on most days and drag themselves to the cart that Midtown Lunch features only 1x a week or so. There’s also special dietary needs that is easier to prepare at home…
Bottom line: It’s Not Your Food. It’s Someone Else’s. Back off.
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Is cuff slang for fold?
Unfortunately some people would rather steal than pay their own way; rich or poor. LOSERS!
Could this be a joke to keep the office in a Perry Mason, who-done-it mode or for laughs? -
Sorry dude this is clearly not an attorney. Look at the misplaced commas and poorly worded message. It’s probably also not one of the sec’ys at the law firm since they do nearly all of the proofing for the attorneys.
Anyway, I’ve had people steal my lunch forEVER and a day. Someone once took a piece of canteloupe from my snack box. There were 3 pieces in there (big pieces, I’d sliced but then not cubed it) so when I saw 2 later, I was like WTF? and couldn’t eat the other two because someone had touched it (do you really think they used a fork?).
And yes, DNA is in spit. Or hair (from your HEAD, people). I prefer the licking things method. But honestly, I just keep my lunch at my desk and don’t bring things in that need to be refrigerated. -
Lymies are like old people: they smell funny, have poor dental hygiene and always show up uninvited. Didn’t we have a revolution to rid our country of them?
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@ Joseph - it looks like you are either a professional sammy snatcher or have caught many sticky fingers before. I would probably just make a small tuna sandwich and chop up 10 scotch bonnet and leave it in the fridge. Just look for the person chugging water directly from the water dispenser.
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I lived in a house in college that shared a communal kitchen and bathroom. Of course, there was this semi-crazy unemployed ‘artist’ dude who kept stealing everyone else’s food. It really cheesed me off because I was really poor. After talking with the guys in the house, I developed a plan. Bought a Coke, ground up some Ex-Lax tablets, inserted into Coke, told everyone else not to touch it if they valued their butts. Of course, he drank it that night, and of course he blew up the bathroom all night.
Of course, one of my housemates thought it would be even funnier to hide the TP. Let’s just say the shower curtain needed to be replaced, and call it at that.
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Here’s one solution:
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Our food thief turned out to be a partner who felt it was his due. I thought he would be embarrassed at being caught stealing staff lunches, but noooooooo. Using partner logic, the food was in his fridge in his firm and therefore his for the taking.
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I is always a good idea to but your name on your food. This way people know who to thank for the meal.
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It is always a good idea to but your name on your food. This way people know who to thank for the meal.
I’m glad to learn that we are on the “cuff” of a recession, and not the cusp of one, because that could be bad if we were.