Reasons Not To Steal Food From the Company Fridge

Reason #1 to Eat Lunch Out

Wow… where to start on this one.

1. Posted in a law firm kitchen.  Don’t those people make enough money?

2. Points for clever use of DNA. Bonus points for not making it clear exactly what he would be using as “seasoning”. Not knowing is always scarier.

3. Was this salad homemade or from a chain? I’m guessing it was homemade- because if you’re adding “DNA seasoning” to your lunchtime leftovers while at work, that is gross. And who steals homemade food out of the fridge anyway? You don’t know where that stuff came from, or how good a cook your co-worker is. If you are going to steal, stick to lunchtime leftovers from actual restaurants.

4. Finally, a tip for people with leftovers. Finish your damn food! Leftovers is never an issue with me…


  • I’m glad to learn that we are on the “cuff” of a recession, and not the cusp of one, because that could be bad if we were.

  • It would solve the what exactly is white sauce mystery.

  • Many years ago, I worked at an office that had a lunch thief, we figured out the theif with a little help from my cat and his own screams of finding a chunk of cat poop in his stolen bowl of chili.

  • Without anal sex there’d be no baby lawyers.

  • Will this person be eating their “sandwich” with their “DNA” on it if said thief does not appear ?

  • Typical lawyers – lots of accusation, supposition and pontification followed by a bluff threat

    Fuckwit probably ate their own lunches and forgot or brought stuff that stunk up the fridge so bad it got mistaken for garbage & tossed out

    If I saw a sign like that, they’d be enjoying my DNA in their lunch too

  • cuff? what a moron. he deserves what he gets.

  • As an attorney, I can comfortably say that from a legal standpoint, stealing lunch from the corporate fridge is nearly as an entertaining as boosting my neighbor’s NY Times on a Sunday afternoon… And oh yeah, really pregnant lady on the Q line this morning, I’m the suit that didn’t give you my seat, while feigning to read the Times and anticipating what surprise delicacies my associates will bring from me to snack on.

  • Love how everyone assumes its a guy.

  • once a coworker stabbed my sandwich. stabbed as in murdered as in with scissors. it made me cry. he thought it was hilarious but I was in college plus working full time, consequently it was peanutbutter and jelly. who murders a pb&j sandwich? a heartless bastard. talk about adding insult to injury, or visa versa. this lunch thief deserves to be drawn and quartered and served with fava beans and a nice chianti, says me.

  • At law offices the only ones that make ‘enough money’ are the lawyers, at least in the biggest law offices of NYC is that way…

  • Put some of your ‘DNA’ in a cup and gussy it up. Then when you hear screams of horror, bring a video camera.

    Then make a website and call it,

    1attorney1cup dot com

  • My office has a vicious lunch thief. Notes get left (not as creative as this) and it stops for a few weeks, but always starts up again.
    And he/she takes homemade lunches. It’s a low and dirty thing to do. When you go through the work of making yourself a nice lunch and you are looking forward to it and then it disappears and you have to go buy some $7.00 crappy sandwich because you are in a rush and had planned on your lunch being located across the hall, well, it does ruin your day.
    Lunch thieves should choke.

  • When I lived in the dorms we had a food thief. They would steal the most random food. Even just the icing off a slice of cake. So my friend devised a plan where she popped a bag of popcorn and spit in it.

    … the popcorn was eaten and bag left empty in the fridge the next day…

    Needless to say… some people just have problems.

    Oh and we did leave a note for the thief which explained the “soggy” popcorn.

  • Stop being gross people. DNA is also present in spit.

  • I say poison the food—it doesn’t count as a “deadly trap” because it’s not a trap—just b/c something is in the fridge doesn’t mean it’s meant for human consumption, or considered a trap!!

  • Or, you could set up a hidden video camera a la Meet the Parents….and beat the ever living crap out of the thief once he or she is identified. Goats will be happy to help if you need…..

  • Sarah jones, are you implying the said person had a wank in his own lunch?

    Must work for Wendy’s.

  • Mild laxative wouldn’t be beyond reasonable imho..

  • Place food with ipecac in fridge. Whoever is vomiting everywhere is the thief.

Leave a Reply

You must log in or register to post a comment.