Midtown Lunch

Presented without comment in the ongoing Guy Fieri culture wars, it looks like someone forgot to register the domain name for his restaurant. An enterprising soul has taken the liberty of doing so and posting a somewhat subtle revision of the normal menu from the Times Square donkey sauce source. I don’t know about you guys, but I’d pay real American dollars for “special jalapeno sugarbrew” as a condiment. Wherever you stand on the Flavortown debate, it’s worth a read for use of the phrase “hamburger-fisted pig skins” alone, doubly so if they’re “served drunk and on fire.”

The existence of the phrase “Donkey sauce” didn’t really meet with much acclaim when our man Sam gave the place an ML treatment, doubly so at the anti-ML limit menu prices. With the brutal honesty of the NY Times impacting on the record of the Mayor of Flavortown, it’s apparently become a mecca for ironic dining.

What does the Donkey Saucer himself do in this case? He gets a fairly blatant-looking “interview” on Yelp in an attempt to restore foodie rep that he may or may not have had. Does his invocation of Saints Bourdain and Batali come across as a mea culpa or a transparent cred-grab? Would you eat food that tastes like your “drunk grandma would make for you on Thanksgiving” under the protective gaze of hate-eating even if it carried the veil of Williamsburg-scale irony?

Photo by Eater

The saga around Pete Wells’ takedown of Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar continues to be entertaining, huh? In case you’ve been living under a rock, here’s a recap of the goings-on since the paper hit stands on Wednesday. Guy was subsequently honored on late night TV when David Letterman dedicated his top ten list to “Discontinued Guy Fieri Menu Items.” Then, on Thursday, Guy Fieri defended his restaurant on Today, going so far as to accuse Wells of having an agenda. “I thought it was ridiculous. I mean, I’ve read reviews —- there’s good and there’s bad in the restaurant business, but that to me went so overboard, it really seemed like there was another agenda.”

Later in the day, it came out via The Braiser that The New York Times‘ ad sales department had hosted an event for clients at the restaurant the previous night. As in Wednesday. The same day the review hit the paper. Oops. But my favorite piece of coverage around this whole mishegas? Behold: Eater’s “The Worst Lines of Guy Fieri’s NYT Review, With Cats”. Genius.

We thought that our live blog of the very first lunch service at Guy’s American Bar & Grill (on 44th btw. 7+8th) was pretty great… but it pales in comparison to the treatment it received today as the New York Times’ weekly restaurant review. Pete Wells asks 50 (I counted) rhetorical questions of Guy Fieri in one of the most amazing and memorable reviews I’ve ever read. I couldn’t possibly do it justice by saying any more, so I simply encourage to read the masterpiece and share your favorite lines in the comments. Here are mine…

• Did panic grip your soul as you stared into the whirling hypno wheel of the menu, where adjectives and nouns spin in a crazy vortex?
• How did nachos, one of the hardest dishes in the American canon to mess up, turn out so deeply unlovable?
• And when we hear the words Donkey Sauce, which part of the donkey are we supposed to think about?
• Why did the toasted marshmallow taste like fish?
• Oh, and we never got our Vegas fries; would you mind telling the kitchen that we don’t need them?

Yesterday afternoon the doors swung open to Flavortown Guy’s American Bar & Grill in Times Square (on 44th btw. 7+8th), but not in time for lunch. Which makes today their very first lunch service. How could we not? Our intrepid reporter @samkimsamkim is on the scene reporting live…

12:02pm – Ready for Flavortown!

12:03pm – Yes, that is a electronic menu outside of the restaurant… complete with Guy Fieri clips. Mesmerizing.

12:05pm – There are a surprising number of solo diners in suits. Surprised there aren’t more tourists. Not surprised that Guy Fieri fans who have to go opening day have no friends.  (This will surprise nobody, but I too found it difficult to find somebody to go with me.)

Alright… let’s take a look at the menu.

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If you were hoping to be one of the first ones to eat lunch at Guy Fieri’s new Times Square T-Shirt shop (which also happens to serve food) you were very disappointed today… they’re not open yet. Our man @samkimsamkim was on the scene during lunch hoping to score some grub, but all he got was photos of tourists taking photos in front of the restaurant. It has begun…

Between watching groups of out-of-towners do their best Guy Fieri poses in front of the restaurant, Sam  found out that they plan on opening at 4pm today.