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Favorite Sandwich Condiments?
Posted: 2:49 pm, July 16th, 2010 in Miscellaneous
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37 Comments
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avocado, sprouts, hummus
oh god, i'm a hippie. :(
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i like thinly sliced cucumber..adds that crunchness..and I also like watercress and basil and good honey mustard is good too....but most of all, my sandwich gotta have a good bread.
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bacon
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Hamburger patty.
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ketchup and mayo, yo.
I like fried onion too.
chipotle + mayo is good too...I know you said sandwiches...but these have meat and buns.
hot dog = ketchup, relish, and mustard... dunno why people think you have to choose ketchup or mustard.
kielbasa - sauerkraut and ketchup.
hot sausages - ketchup
turkey sandwich - miracle whipped
grill cheese - mustard..spicy dijon, yea I like to get fancy with my grill cheese.
Every thing else - I like a pickle and/or banana peppers.
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It depends on the sandwich! You can't just go throwing raw onions all over the place, are you trying to bring about the end of the world? Putting onions on the wrong sandwich (say, bologna and tomato) is a serious Gozer worship level mistake. I may, just maybe, have somewhat of an opinion when it comes to condiments. But that's only because I know the rules, unlike the morons I regularly see putting the wrong topping on the wrong foods in blatant disregard of all that is right and good in the world.. oh I hate them so much, but they'll pay, I'll see to that.
Where was I? Oh yes, for one thing, you DO NOT PUT KETCHUP ON HOT DOGS. Or any other sausage! Kielbasa and ketchup, are you out of your freaking gourd? MIRACLE WHIP??!! You're going to give me a goddamned aneurism with that kind of talk! WTF, were you raised by wild baboons? Argh!
The following are approved combinations:
* Liverwurst, onions, and American cheese: mustard (spicy brown preferred)
* Bologna and (American) cheese: yellow mustard
* Salami and provolone: spicy brown mustard
* Turkey: mayonnaise. Poultry-based sandwiches allow a great degree of freedom not typically allowed in sausage-based sandwiches. Feel free to add lettuce, cheese, pickles, hot peppers, even tomato. BUT NO GODDAMNED MIRACLE WHIP.
* Hot dogs - mustard of your choice (spicy brown if you're not a retard), optional additions include onions, relish, meat sauces/chili, cheese, sauerkraut, but if you're over the age of 3, NO KETCHUP ON HOT DOGS.
* And many others, not described here but available via mail order upon requestPlease note the distinct lack of ketchup in the approved sandwich combinations. The following is an exhaustive list of "sandwiches" that are allowed to contain ketchup:
* Cheeseburger
* Western EggI hope you people are paying attention, I'm going to be coming around to your homes to check up on you and if I see you putting ketchup on kielbasa I swear I will show you the real meaning of miracle whipped.
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congrats, you just wrote a novel.
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Only because I CARE about educating YOU. If I can save just one sandwich from being defiled, it's worth it. Also, my novel "Foot-Long Italian: A Hero's Journey" will be available from Lulu later this summer. Until then, reflect on the words of the late, great Douglas Adams, one of the few people who I think understood the important of sandwiches as much as I do:
"There is an art to the business of making sandwiches which it is given to few ever to find the time to explore in depth. It is a simple task, but the opportunities for satisfaction are many and profound."
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@masto - to each their own. You saying you can't put onion on bologna... but what if you add salami and ham with the bologna, it become an american hoagie ...will onion, tomato and lettuce be okay 0-o...
I guess you never tried fried bologna with lettuce tomato and onion, with mayo.
sooner or later you going to tell me I cant put sriracha in every sandwich if I feel like it.
if you wanna follow these rules, that's fine, but My turkey sandwich just isn't a sandwich without miracle whip :D
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@mbuu258 - I regularly get frowned upon by snooty foodies when I eat a hot dog (which is rare enough on its own, anyway) - I put relish, mustard AND ketchup. High five! I don't know about Miracle Whip on anything, I'm not a fan, but as you say - to each his/her own, I don't care... cuz it's not MY sandwich :)
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MEATS AND CHEESES! Goats - chime in and finish the song. lol.
And depending on the sammy, ketchup and/or mayo, with lettuce, tomatoes and pickles.
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@Yvo - High five! :D
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Steve, how dare you reduce bacon to condiment status. Everyone knows that when you add bacon to any sandwich or dish, the rest of the ingredients automatically become its supporting cast.
Case in point: "bacon with baked potato." "bacon with chili." "bacon on a bed of pizza."
Pate is my favorite condiment.
If I knew the recipe, I would make Pommes Frites' Vietnamese Pineapple Mayo and put THAT on sandwiches.
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Talking to a few friends recently, I discovered that a lot of them put raw onions on their sandwiches, something I never thought of and never did but now will be trying next sandwich opp.
So I'm curious what else I'm missing. What are your favorites?