While there may be many tasty delights to be had at Rick’s Cabaret, I was restrained by Zach’s Midtown Lunch $10 price limit so I will not be telling how it feels to get a lap dance at Rick’s. I will also not be telling you about a little something I coined the “Corporate Massage,” which seemed to involve older, bald, fat (no offense Zach) C.E.O’s and perky bodiced ladies rubbing your back and perhaps calling you daddy (Should that excite you). I will also not digress to tell you about the enhanced lovelies in g-strings dancing upon the stage to AC/DC and Aerosmith. Furthermore, I will not mention how this lunch was the first time I’ve seen a stripper dance to R.E.M. and rub her ample buttocks up and down a mirrored wall.

No, we will not sink so low today. After all, this blog is about lunch- right?  (Well, maybe we’ll sink a little.) 

So let’s get down to the brass tacks. When you enter Rick’s you are offered a choice of seating. Option one is the ground floor- furnished with comfy armchairs and cocktail tables surrounding a red-lit main stage with mirrored walls and disco lights. Option two is a seat upstairs at the bar and lounge, set off from the attractions going on below (but includes a lovely lobster tank.)

Obviously, we opted for the former. Seated in a dimly lit corner we ordered a round of drinks ($8 bucks a pop) and took in the menu (yes, I know that puts me over the ML limit, but hell, I’m in a bar full of stripers! A girl needs a drink). The kitchen is headed by chef Nestor, and as you can tell by this photo, it’s very good to be the chef:

The prix-fixe lunch included soup or salad, entree and dessert. Between the choice of onion or barley soup and caesar salad we opted for the caesar, after all I prefer my barley in drink form. Entrees included a grilled sirloin steak sandwich, steak frites, strip steak, grilled shrimp salad, cheeseburger, grilled chicken club, salmon fillet, or jumbo lump crabcake sandwich. We got the strip and the crab.

I can’t resist a tossed salad in creamy dressing and this one came with abundant parmesan shavings which is always a plus. While I found it tasty, I’d stick to the house salad if you are not into a traditional caesar dressing which has a definite anchovy flavor. The steak was smoky and charred on the outside and a perfectly medium rare and juicy on the inside. The crabcake was wonderfully spiced with Old Bay seasoning and creamy mustard on a brioche bun.

Both came with shoestring fries that were salty, golden and crunchy. I loved the steak and I really liked how the crabcake was actually made of chunks of tender crab and not just mushy breading. However the bun, as good as it tasted, was too much bread for the crabcake and I ended up taking the top bun off and eating it open faced. We also got a quick look at the salmon dish and it looked wonderful.

For $10, the salad, main course, and wonderful scenery would clearly be enough. But wait.  There’s more. Dessert is included, and the offering of dessert options is where I almost passed out. Choose between a big and round apple crumble with vanilla ice cream; dark chocolate cake with drizzles of tangy raspberry puree; or a creamy cheesecake topped with plump blueberries, strawberries and whipped cream. It was hedonistic, and I was already stuffed, but.. but… like a pig at the trough I could not resist. I hit it hard and good. Hell, I got so excited if that plate was wearing a g-string I would have slipped it a fiver.

After all was said and eaten, I must say there is something about having a 3 course meal while circled by men getting lap-dances that was a bit disconcerting to me. Kinda like I was in a crappy David Duchovny movie. Terrible shame though, I was offered a ‘dance’ by a gorgeous tall blonde with skin like milky silk and I declined. Sometimes it’s a bitch to be straight.

Here’s the breakdown ML style:

THE +

• Hot! Nekkid! Babes!\
• An amazing amount of quality food for $10
• Excellent choice of different entrees and desserts that will put you in a happy food coma
• Option to sit comfortably on the 2nd or 3rd floor away from the stage and strippers (though I can’t imagine why??)
• Elevator access to the above floors that avoids the main attraction (again, why?? Did I mention the strippers are downstairs!!)

THE -

• Obviously, temptation could easily make this runneth over the $10 price limit
• Hot! Nekkid! Babes! Your wife will kill you! ( Zach take note.)
• With 3 courses, drinks and um.. entertainment, this could definitely be a ‘long’ lunch, plan appropriately

Rick’s Cabaret, 50 W 33rd St. (btw. 5+Bway), (212) 372-0850

Tomorrow is Jamaica’s Independence Day, and Golden Krust  is celebrating by selling their jerk chicken patties for 99 cents the entire month of August. With the Jamaican Dutchy (on 51st & 7th) readily available, I’ve never given GK their full +/-, but with 4 locations in Midtown- maybe it’s time. Thoughts?

4 Locations in Midtown:

• 33rd btw. Mad+5th
• 8th Ave. btw. 39+40th
• 3rd Ave. btw. 43+44th
• Grand Central Terminal Food Court (although this is just a kiosk, so I’m not positive if they are participating in the August promotion)

There are a lot of strip clubs in Midtown, and many of them have food- but I’m guessing most are pretty expensive (like that weird sushi bar/strip club, Flash Dancers, on B’way btw. 52+53rd. You know you’ve noticed the awning!)  That’s what makes the $10 lunch deal at Rick’s Cabaret so amazing!  We could have a Midtown Lunch that doubles as a strip club.  How sweet would that be?

I remember the first time I ate in a strip club. It was when I lived in Boston, and a friend told me he needed to pick up something from his roommate who worked at the Centerfolds in Chinatown. An all you can eat pasta buffet was mentioned, and next thing I knew I was stuffing my face with spaghetti and meatballs in a dark, naked lady filled club.  I obviously have nothing against strip clubs, but there’s something about eating in one that even grosses me out. There’s also something about a free pasta buffet, that trumps all other rules.  Plus- as dirty as it was to eat in a place like that, it probably isn’t the dirtiest all you can buffet I’ve gorged myself at.

I really don’t want my ‘much better than I deserve’ wife to divorce me, so I don’t think I’m going to be checking out the Rick’s Cabaret $10 lunch deal… but I’m sure there are some of you who are willing to “sacrifice” and report back in the comments. Right?