Midtown Lunch

If you like to eat, chances are you like to drink (read: a lot of you are freakin’ lushes), so every week our Happy Hour Correspondent “Mamacita” will post about a different bar in Midtown that fits the Midtown Lunch mentality: unhealthy food, not lame (unless it’s lame in a cool way), and most importantly… cheap.

I’ve never been to Montana. I don’t know anyone named Ted and most of all I tend to avoid places with gimmicky “take ya’ll back home” themes. They tend to disappoint. So why would I visit Ted’s Montana Grill? Could it be that I secretly wished to be where the buffalo roam? Could it be that deep within myself I yearned for a place where a woman can truly live free? Could it be that there was a massive void in my soul that only Big Sky Country could fill? Naah, it was probably the sign that advertised $5 signature margaritas and $3 draft beers from 4 to 7pm.

Happy hour also includes house wine, sangria, mountain breeze martinis and their draft beers like Sam Adams, Yuengling, and Blue Moon.

I ordered the lime margarita on the rocks with salt on the rim (naturally.) As a proponent of potent potables, I have to give them credit for having old fashion glasses that had a good satisfying heft to them. They don’t do it dainty in Montana, yo! I noticed they had a wooden swizzle stick instead of a plastic straw. They claim it’s to be eco-friendly, but I don’t buy it. I’m pretty sure it’s all an excuse to whip out some axes and chainsaws and shit, because I hear that’s how they roll.

The homemade sour mix is more tangy then sweet, which I prefer, so I ordered a second from my friendly bartender (this one is for the ML ladies.)

The patrons at the bar tend toward the local suits, with tourists sticking mainly to the main restaurant.

The bar menu is all under $6, just my style. Jamie Oliver and probably any vegans out there will get their panties in a bunch when they see the meat and calorie content featured on each selection. I was ready to roam the open country, arrow in hand and hunt down a delicious bison, like any hunter/gatherer tribe of office workers… So I ordered the bison sliders ($5, 1150 Calories) like the badass I am! I felt like I was on the mountain range, pass the Yellowstone mustard.

The plate came with 4 sliders with American cheese, a big lasso of a salt and pepper onion ring, and speared on top was a little American flag –we’re getting all patriotic up in this house! I requested the sliders rare. Yeah, that’s right, I asked for them bloody and pulsing. But really, after all these years of eating charred hockey pucks that pass as sliders I rather error on the side of a baby bison mooing at me, then eat  jerky on a bun.

The meat came out medium, but very juicy. Instead of the usual boring bun, each was sandwiched in a mini buttermilk biscuit. It made for a full meal and I didn’t miss for one second the lack of fries. They were probably the best mini burgers I’ve had all year and I’d go back to try a full basket of onion rings with another margarita next time I’m in the area.

The Plus + (What someone who likes this bar would say)

• $3 drafts, $5 drinks works for me
• Bar food is cheap, filling and deliciously meaty
• Nice décor and upscale feel makes this a good happy hour spot for the executives and local workers

The Minus – (What someone who dislikes this bar would say)

• I wish the happy hour lasted longer
• I don’t eat bison
• I don’t bother with chain restaurants, I rather subway it out of Midtown

Ted’s Montana Grill, 110 W. 51st Street, (212) 245-5220